The Extra Years

A grandfather in the early stages of dementia who always wants to remember.

SYNOPSIS

Herman, under the real name Joeng Soen Thoeng, is a father, grandfather, and lover. His relatives consider him a lucky old man because he is beyond the age of the average Indonesian. Plus, he has a girlfriend who accompanies him through the day every Monday-Friday. At the same time, his children were relieved of the responsibility of looking after him every day.

However, Kung-kung is now living with dementia. His girlfriend is no longer able to accompany him as she is also getting older. The children are planning to turn the second-floor storeroom into a caregiver’s room. The storeroom is filled with objects from Kung-kung’s record store, which went bankrupt after 40 years of modernization. Since its collapse in 2020, the items have been left in a state of decay and littered with dust. Kung-kung is once again confronted with the objects of his past.

His fragmented memory due to dementia makes it difficult for him to connect memories with objects that once meant something to him. Some of his reminiscences go unremarked upon with great enthusiasm, such as the story of fried bean sprouts, his favorite street food at the soccer field near his childhood home. However, some other memories feel so foreign as if they were never connected to him, such as the 1998 tragedy.

Faced with the changes happening within his mind and beyond, Kung-kung familiarizes himself with his smartphone. He records moments on his phone’s calendar, adds text to photos, and keeps track of his whereabouts via Google Maps. He keeps up with the fast pace of time by recording the little things that make him happy, even though 10 minutes later he will forget them.

In 2022, I woke up in a feverish cold sweat and was scared to death. At that time, I was busy working and completing my thesis, the days always flew by so quickly. That morning I had a high fever and suddenly the fear of mortality surfaced without warning. Since that day, I have been going back and forth with questions about death. From book to book, person to person. The journey led me to the understanding of impermanence as presented in Buddhism. This understanding taught me not to reject the nature of all things in the world, which is impermanent. However, with the impermanence of all things, we can learn to be more present and aware in each moment.

My family has never been the place where I look for answers, especially about life. However, I found answers in my grandfather, my father, and my uncle. For me personally, my family was a place of conflict that I avoided since I was a child. They were definitely not the people I was looking to find answers about death.

In 2024, I witnessed my grandfather begin to lose track of himself. There I realised how impermanent everything in this world is, including ourselves. This self is something that is always changing. How my grandfather sees himself today is different from how he saw himself 15 years ago. My grandfather doesn’t remember the success or bankruptcy of the family business that still haunts his children. I saw how my grandfather truly enjoyed a cup of coffee. I saw how he observed the changes in the mango tree in front of his house. I saw my grandfather being present from day to day, without fear of what was and will be, including death. At 87, he has even forgotten about the dream of a retirement home with a large garden that he told me about 5 years ago.

Like many Chinese families, my grandfather passed down the business to his two sons, my father and uncle. When the business went bankrupt, they had a big fight. Of course, my grandfather’s daughter was not involved in the fight, as she did not inherit the shop. My family was widely separated and small encounters often sparked big fights. But since my grandfather was diagnosed with dementia, I often see my father and uncle trying to spend time with my grandfather, in their own awkward way. Trying to build memories with simple activities like going to a new coffee shop or taking a morning walk between the streets of North Jakarta. Before, they were just busy chasing their ambitions and searching for self-validation.